Entry kali ni akan berbaur bahasa rojak (bukan rojak kuchei), so forgive me.
1st of all... i'm single, and proudly announce im okay ;)
Dah sebulan lebih berlalu, tetapi tetap rasa ianya baru je berlaku semalam.
I remembered, when i cant sleep, waiting reply SMS from him, menangis mcm esok nak mati (nasib baik tak mati)... Yes, sebulan lebih dah berlalu.. Tapi, atas semangat yang Allah berikan, atas dorongan rakan2 yang tersayang dan kata-kata nasihat dari mak and abah..alhamdullilah, im okay now ;)
1st day of break ? MasyaAllah... kalau boleh tak nak ingat dah... setiap masa rasa nak menangis.
Because I thought he was the ONE, I thought he was my future husband, I thought we can spend our 'tua-day' together.. BUT, my thoughts was wrong!
Just to let uolss know, that the sole purpose for me to write this thing is not to show that i am single. No, siapa yang tak nak bercouple kan? Siapa yang tak nak ada boipren yang bakal jadi husband?
The purpose is, single is not the END ;) Believe me!
So, lets the story begins ;)
3 (THREE) years ago, when i was so anxious and kinda ready to get to know guys to become my special one, there, this guy appeared i my life. I met him through a mutual friends. Let jus call him Mr. B. We clicked in an instant, became best friends, share problems, share our enjoyment, share same passion in business, and we can chatting like 24 hours without lacking ideas. He WAS the perfect boifrend for me.
We shared a lots of common interest too. The weird things is, he always know what on my mind. Before i finish my sentences, he already knew what i wanna say! He respect me as a girl, as who i was, and love everything bout me. Me too, i love the way he smiled, love the way he take a good care of me when im sick and i love when sometimes i caught him jealous. He gave me advised and calm me down when i'm in pain.
We support each other in business, and he was like my backbone to every bit of my success that i went through in business. Simply put, he was like my twin and i was like the straw in his berry and apple in his pie :D (rasa nak muntah.. di ulangi WAS)
But, surprisingly, he's not one in my-type-of -guy list. Mr.B ni tak tinggi pun, tak tegap, tak hensem(tapi manis)...Tapi, afta 3 years, i didnt know what really happened. Was it me? Was it him?? Was it timing? Was it another person? Or, is it true that I am the other person? Was i'm not pretty enough? Was i'm not perfect enough for him? Many questions went through in my mind. But, with no answers ;(
Serius, why afta 3 years?? kenapa? Kitorg break atas sebab yang tak munasabah. well, boleh di katakan alasan yang tak logik.Everything i did, he keeps pointing his fingers toward me. What i did a years ago, he blamed me. Sampai babitkan famili.. Well, dis is not good!
I cried myself to sleep at night for weeks, because i missed this one paarticular person so bad, missed the tight friendship we once had, BUT there wasn't anything i could do about it. Our relationship memang tak dapat diselamatkan. Ramai yang advise, 'pegilah pujuk', 'heart to heart talk', bla bla bla.. tapi, semua tak berkesan. i've tried! Yes, i really tried my best. But, i think, it just didn't work.
But now, alhamdullilah. saya boleh menerima kenyataan. Maybe ada hikmah di atas apa yang berlaku ;)
But, i can fairly say, sometimes i still cry at night. Sometimes, i ask myself, 'WHY??'
DULU, setiap kali berdoa, doa untuk MR.B tak pernah lupa. Doa supaya ikatan kitaorg dipanjangkan hingga akhirat. Dan sekarang, setiap kali saya berdoa, the more clearer Allah showed me, or made me realised that there's a reasons why our relationship died. HE, the Almight actually was the one who protecting me.
Now, only i realized that everythings happen for a reasons ;) I doesn't cry for him or thinking about him anymore. I am more happy now, eventhough sometimes i worries about my future relationship status. Ada lagi ke yang nak kat aku? Nnati aku akan kahwin ke? Umo dah lanjut, dah takde boifren, macam mana nak ada anak??? All women has this 'kerisauan' RIGHT??
To me, that's just syaiton., whispering to make me feel in secure. It's our relationship with HIM, is what we all need to work on.
I know, when the time is right, akan ada seorang lelaki yang menjadi suami saya secara sah. Yang akan menghargai diri saya seadanya. Dan at that moment, i will be the happiest girl in the world ;) Isn't it amazing when everything is halal? Teheee ;))
My point is, to all single girls out there, it's okay to be single. Do not fret, but instead be thankful that Allah actually picked to protect you from the sins that we might do with boys (holding hands, flirt, etc) Your moment will soon arrive before you know it :D
Allah just wants the best for us, and all you need to do is trust HIM ;)
Allah yang Maha Pemurah.. terima kasih Engkau telah menciptakan dia dan mempertemukan ku dengannya.
Terima kasih untuk saat-saat yang indah yang boleh kami nikmati bersama,
Terima kasih untuk setiap pertemuan yang boleh kami lalui bersama,
Terima kasih untuk setiap saat-saat yang lalu,
Aku datang bersujud di hadapan-Mu,
Sucikan hatiku Ya Allah, sehingga dapat melaksanakan kehendak dan rencana-Mu dalam hidupku.
Ya Allah, jika aku bukan pemilik tulang rusuknya,
Janganlah biarkan aku merindukan kehadirannya,
Janganlah biarkan aku melabuhkan hatiku di hatinya,
Kikislah pesonanya dari pelupuk mataku dan usirlah dia dari relung hatiku,
Gantikan damba kerinduan dan cinta yang bersemayam di dada ini dengan kasih dari dan pada-Mu yang tulus dan murni.
Tolonglah agar aku dapat mengasihinya sebagai sahabat.
Tetapi jika Kau ciptakan dia untukku, Ya Allah..
Tolonglah satukan hati kami,
Bantulah aku untuk mencintai, mengerti dan menerimanya seutuhnya,
Berikanku kesabaran, ketekunan dan kesungguhan untuk memenangi hatinya.
Urapilah dia agar dia juga mencintai, mengerti dan mahu menerimaku dengan segala kelebihan dan kekuranganku sebagaimana aku telah Engkau ciptakan.
Yakinkanlah dia bahawa aku sungguh-sungguh mencintai dan rela membagi suka dan dukaku dengannya.
Ya Allah yang Maha Pengasih, dengarlah doaku ini.
Lepaskanlah aku dari keraguan ini menurut kasih dan kehendak-Mu
Allah yang Maha Kekal, aku tahu Engkau sentiasa memberikan yang terbaik buatku.
Luka dan keraguan yang aku alami pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pergumulan ini mengajar aku untuk hidup makin dekat pada-Mu, untuk lebih peka terhadap suara-Mu yang membimbing aku menuju terang-Mu.
Ajarlah aku untuk tetap setia dan sabar menanti tibanya waktu yang telah Engkau tentukan.
Jadilah kehendak-Mu dan bukan kehendakku yang jadi dalam setiap bagian hidupku, Ya Allah..
Amin..
"You may dislike something although it is good for you, or like something although it is bad for you: GOD knows and you do not.." [Al-Baqarah, 216]
Meanwhile, happy eidul-adha to all muslims in the world ;)
LOVE,
-happily SINGLE girl- ;))
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